Silence of Night
by SerenityFalconNormandy
Summary: Written for the Dragon Age Reddit Weekly Writing thread, freeform prompt. Fenris has a sleepless night a week after Marian leaves for Skyhold


One week. It was driving Fenris insane already, but Marian's logic had been sound. Varric had written asking for her help, and she needed to go. Maureva was long weaned, and they needed to guarantee that one of her parents was there for her should the worst happen. He paced the hallways of their holding, the Starkhaven night too quiet. When Marian was there, it was never too quiet. She was rustling in the bed, or snoring thanks to the broken nose Meredith had given her.

Silently he padded into the nursery to watch Maureva sleep in her crib. His little girl was two now, squealing 'Papa!' when she saw him in the morning and running to him when she wanted his attention. Her black hair was definitely Marian's, always a tangled riot of silky curls that picked up every twig, leaf, or other scrap that crossed her path. Fenris thought Maureva looked like Marian, although she and Carver swore she was the spitting image of their sister Bethany.

Marian was delighted that their daughter had inherited his olive eyes, but he would give anything for that to be her only link to him. He wished she was all Hawke sometimes, with none of him. His legacy was the spiderweb of lyrium veins across her soft, perfect skin. Whenever he asked Maureva about them, she told him with a vigorous shake of her head 'there's no hurts', which was a relief. Fenris knew he shouldn't let it get to him if they didn't hurt and neither Marian nor Merrill were concerned.

Maureva blinked with bleary eyes, "Mama?"

"No, my beauty, Mama's still helping your Uncle Varric." He reached into the crib and smoothed her curls back from her face.

Her little rosebud mouth trembled, and tears welled up. "Want Mama."

"I know, Maura, I miss your mama too." He picked her up, chubby little arms wrapping around his neck and her warm little body resting against his chest.

"Do you want to have a slumber party with Papa, or shall we look at the moonlight and the forest?"

Resting her head in his neck, Maureva mumbled sleepily, "Moon."

"Moonlight and forest it is."

The early spring air was still chilly, and there was a brief stop to grab a light blanket to wrap around her. The nightdress she wore was good for sleeping in the crib with its heating runes, yet not so great for warmth out of it.

Sitting on the settee, Fenris sat with Maureva facing out, so she could look through the window and see the forest in the light of the two moons. The ache for Marian came back. When Maureva had been a newborn, Marian had spent many a day planted on the settee feeding her, watching her sleep, or snuggling up with him and marvelling at the child they had created together. Blasted Inquisition. They couldn't have clarified that they had been searching for their family to try and get Marian to lead the blighted thing, not that she would have. She had no great love for the late Divine or Sister Leliana after Meredith Stannard and Grand Cleric Elthina had been left to drag Kirkwall down for so long.

He felt a chill run over his body and Fenris held Maureva closer at the realization that if Marian _had_ agreed to be Inquisitor, she would have been at the Conclave when it exploded. Maureva was still nursing at the time; their daughter very well could have been there, too. Even though it had not happened, he felt the panic rising at the thought that he might have lost both of the most important people in his life. If something happened to Marian while she was with the Inquisition, he would be devastated, yet he would carry on for their daughter because she _needed_ him. Should something happen to both of them... Maureva let out an uncomfortable squeak, letting him know he was holding her too tight.

Shushing her, Fenris adjusted her and turned his face into the mop of midnight curls on her head. Before his daughter, Marian had been the single most important person in his life. Maureva let out a huff against his neck, slipping back into sleep with an ease he envied. He prayed that he'd never have to choose between Marian and Maureva, he didn't know if he could. Standing carefully, he turned towards the bedroom.

Sleep. He needed to try and sleep. The baby would be up far too early, and even though Orana was as reliable as the sun rising and setting, Fenris wanted- no, needed- to spend every moment possible with her. The large, empty bed was a mess, evidence of his prior failed attempt at sleep. With one hand, he rearranged the pillows and straightened the sheets, making a small wall to prevent Maureva from rolling off the bed. He laid her down, smiling despite himself when he noted she did the same jelly-necked head-bob Marian did when being put to bed by someone. Her light blanket was laid over her and tucked around her feet to keep her toes from getting cold, and then Fenris climbed into bed himself.

Maureva didn't make the same amount of noise Marian did, but her breathing helped break the silence. One small hand curled next to her face, and Fenris reached out to hold it in his. So small and perfect, and part of him. He would send a raven ahead to Varric so Marian would have a letter to greet her when she arrived. She would write back right away like she always did. Out of habit, Fenris tucked his hand under his pillow. His fingers struck the buckle of the belt he'd snagged from the packs on Marian's horse.

Letting go of Maureva's hand, he pulled the belt out and propped himself up, holding it to his nose. It smelled like her, ozone, burnt ether, copper, and herbal soap. He wrapped the belt around his hand and laid back down. Tucking the wrapped hand up next to his face, he reached out and took the baby's hand again. Now, definitely, he could sleep.


End file.
